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“If you want it enough, you can make it happen…”

Just imagine…

You’re 18 years old. You’re young, healthy and good-looking. You’ve passed you’re A levels with flying colours. You’re highly motivated – you’ve passed your driving test and got yourself a car. A career in law seems to be beckoning. You’re happy. There’s not a cloud in the sky.

You’re driving back from a party to celebrate A level results. You haven’t had any alcohol and you don’t do drugs. Everything’s fine.

Suddenly – something goes wrong. It is all over so quick that you hardly know what really happened. But suddenly, and without warning, you’re in trouble. You slam on the breaks, yet some inner intuition tells you that you will not escape. For a split second before darkness falls, something inside you knows that as from now, everything is going to be different…

You wake up in hospital. Well – you don’t actually wake up. It is more like consciousness begins to return. Somewhere in the darkness you see light – maybe hear a nurse’s voice. Darkness returns. Then – somehow – you find yourself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. Where the hell am I? What’s gone wrong? This time you remain conscious – sort of! You’re in hospital. How did I get here? What happened? People flit in and out, making reassuring noises. Anguished parents and friends start appearing. They all seem to be saying the same thing – Don’t worry. It’ll be all right. Just rest and get better. Everything else will take care of itself.

But that voice inside, that inner intuition, keeps telling you that something has changed for good. Somehow, and for some reason, things will never be the same again. Over the coming days and weeks, that inner intuition is confirmed. No- things will never be the same again. Because you were in a car accident, and it was a bad one. Because you were seriously injured. Because, as from now, you are paralysed from the waist down. You will never, ever walk again.

If you’ve never been in a wheelchair it is difficult, probably impossible, to imagine what it is really like. Suddenly the world is a far less accessible place. You can’t do steps anymore. And if you think that’s no big deal then just take a look around you and just see how many steps there are. They’ve everywhere. If you’re walking along the street where you live, or along the High Street in town you probably don’t even notice how many steps there are. But if you’re in a wheelchair then suddenly those steps are very noticeable indeed. They are an obstacle – a barrier.

If you’re in a wheelchair, suddenly everything seems to be out of reach. The item you want to buy, sitting there on the top shelf of the supermarket, might just as well be on the summit of Mount Everest! Or if you drop something, you can’t just bend down and pick it up. You suddenly find that you’re dependent upon others, to an uncomfortable degree. You have to rely upon family, friends and carers, and upon the kindness and courtesy of complete strangers, just to get through any normal day.

You can’t go dancing with your mates. You can’t run. You can’t just bound around and leap about with joy as you once used to. You can’t even just get out of the house and go for a walk down the street.

Imagine this happening to you at the age of 18. Well, this actually happened to Sophie Morgan. Yet Sophie dealt with this disaster in a way which is different, a way which is important, a way from which we – all of us – can learn. To understand and appreciate the true nature and worth of Sophie’s achievement, consider the ways in which people usually deal with life-changing events of this kind.

Some people sink into despair. They feel profoundly resentful and angry that such a thing has happened to them and not to someone else. And they feel profoundly depressed and discouraged at what they perceive as the sudden narrowing of opportunities for the future. This negative reaction is not a sign of weakness. To some extent, it is normal. Maybe everyone who is so affected goes through a phase of anger, resentment or despair. But those who remain there are simply adding to the burden which they have to bear by carrying a heavy sack-full of negative feelings on top of the physical challenges which they have to carry.

Some people come to accept their situation and carry on “as normal”. I think this is true of the vast majority of people who are afflicted by physical challenges or disabilities, either through illness or accident. They make the best of what they have got and they try not to worry too much about what they haven’t. They face their challenge with resignation or acceptance. They keep their chins up, their hearts high, and they carry on.

But a much smaller, and very special, group of people choose a third option. And it is to this group that Sophie Morgan belongs.

For such people, a disability actually becomes an opportunity, even a blessing. Such people have a special quality which enables them to turn something which would be a disaster for many people into a unique window of opportunity. In my opinion, such people are blessed with an innate understanding of the almost limitless potential of themselves as human beings.

Take Sophie. She was going to pursue a career in law, but after her accident she decided instead to follow her heart. She took a degree in art and is now a busy and productive creative artist. She has travelled around the world, and has given talks about her self and her experiences. She was able to seize opportunities in the media and television, featuring in the BBCs Beyond Boundaries and Britain’s Missing Top Model series. This in turn has lead to other broadcasting opportunities. With the launch of a project called the Mannequal Sophie has raised her profile even further in the world of fashion and has become a vital spokesperson for disabled people, especially disabled youngsters, whose voices are so seldom heard. Sophie has now become the face of Stella McCartney’s ADIDAS campaign.

Not bad for a woman in her 20s! And how different things might have been for her if she had decided to drag her disability along her previously chosen path instead of making it into a stepping stone towards the things she really wanted to do.

What next for Sophie? She might create her own fashion label, found her own fashion empire, become Prime Minister – who knows? For people like Sophie, nothing is off-limits.

To turn your greatest disadvantage into your greatest opportunity, to make the sweetest roses grow from the foulest soil, to turn Fate into your greatest ally rather than your fiercest adversary – this is a gift given only to the few.

Or is it? As a therapist I am totally and 100% convinced that we all have a capacity for self-realization, for discovering what we are really capable of. Why do we so rarely discover our true potential? Because of routine, because there seems to be no need, because the line of least resistance is easier. But sometimes the routine is shattered. It might be a physical disability caused by an accident or illness. It might be something less drastic, such as the loss of a job, or the end of a relationship. If we can only find the way to turn these “disasters” to our advantage then Life is a game we are destined to win.

Sophie Morgan, Thomas Quasthoff, Louis Braille, Ludwig van Beethoven – are these disabled people? No – they are enabled people.

Horsham Hypnotherapy: serving clients from Horsham, Crawley, Burgess Hill, Haywards Heath, Guildford, Redhill and all parts of West Sussex, East Sussex and Surrey. Contact us today.

“A loving heart was better and stronger than wisdom.”
(David Copperfield – Chapter 9)

As a hypnotherapist I am increasingly aware of how we are influenced by culture. And I mean “culture” in the very broadest sense – music, film, television, books, plays and so on. Unless we are cramming for an exam, “culture” is a leisure activity, something we do when we are relaxing, when we are enjoying ourselves, when our guard is down.

As I have argued elsewhere, we are influenced in countless ways by the ordinary things we encounter in our day to day lives. These things affect our mood, our behaviour, our outlook, our choices, and yet we are, for the most part, blissfully unaware of any of this. We blame our negativity on the bleak economic outlook, our anger and frustration on our colleagues or other road users or the noisy kids next door or our family and friends. It’s someone else’s fault.

But how do we relax? We watch soap operas, in which people betray and attack each other, in which every episode contains at least one blazing row, in which violence is just beneath the surface. Or we go to a club or a gig and our ears are assailed at deafening volume by songs whose “message”, if we can generalize to this extent, seems to be one of selfishness and cheap short-term gratification. Even talent shows, even cookery programs, have degenerated into gladiatorial contests in which victory is all and egotistical “self-belief” is always the key to “success”. Read the rest of this entry »

Although for such a beastly month as February, twenty-eight days as a rule are plenty,
One year in every four, his days shall be reckoned as nine and twenty…

W S Gilbert, The Pirates of Penzance Act Two.

Beastly? February? Well – sorry Gilbert but I have to disagree!

True, in this February of 2012, the news seems to be as bleak as any winter weather. Double-dip recession in the United Kingdom, debt crisis in the Eurozone, a record fall in the number of university applications, a stagnant housing market, the annual furore over bankers’ bonuses, tensions between Britain and Argentina – none of this is very cheering. Appropriate news for the beastly month of February, perhaps?

Yet nature seems to be singing a different song. The mornings and the evenings are getting lighter. Gone are those stygian Monday mornings when it seems as if the day will never start. February is the month of crocuses and snowdrops, of clear skies and frosty mornings, and many signs of the imminence of spring. As I wander the country paths of West Sussex there is a different feel in the air. To me it conveys a feeling that all winters have an end – not only seasonal winters but also economic and political Winters of Discontent. And, yes, it can get a bit nippy. Many a cold-snap happens in February. But you know what they say:

If February give much snow
A fine summer it doth bestow.

A fine summer, eh? That would be nice! Here’s hoping… Read the rest of this entry »

In a previous article I explained the reasons why I don’t offer virtual gastric band treatments for weight loss. It was not my intention to suggest that treatments which include the “fitting” of a virtual gastric band are never successful. However it seems highly likely that the success in such cases is in fact due to other factors.

I referred to a Daily Mail article in which a person had, it seems, been successfully treated for weight loss using a virtual gastric band. But the article makes it clear that the person concerned had around ten sessions of hypnotherapy and was put on an extremely radical diet. It was this, I would suggest, which caused the weight loss, not the virtual gastric band. The VGB could easily have been omitted and the treatment would still have been a success, at least in the short term. This treatment package, successful though it was (in the short term) is a far cry from the one-session “magic wand” type of treatment which clients hope for when they sign up for VGB treatments. Read the rest of this entry »

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an ‘men
Gang aft agley,
An’lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Still thou art blest, compar’d wi’ me
The present only toucheth thee:
But, Och! I backward cast my e’e.
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I canna see,
I guess and fear!

Those are the last two verses of Burns’ poem To a Mouse, addressed to a poor mouse who has just had its home destroyed by a plough.

Although the dialect is unfamiliar to non-Scottish readers I think the message comes across loud and clear. The best-laid schemes of mice and men often end in tears. The poor wee beastie’s home might be destroyed and yet maybe the mouse is more fortunate than us. The mouse is wholly concerned with the present and will no doubt busy itself with building its little house again.

We, on the other hand, look back at the past, at economic and political turmoil, doubt and uncertainty, pain and angst, and we shudder. On Burns Night 2012 we are told that the British Economy has contracted over the last quarter and a “double dip” recession is now underway. “An’ forward, tho’ I canna see, / I guess and fear!”.

Who’s got it right – the mouse or us?

Happy Burns Night everyone!

Horsham Hypnotherapy: serving clients from Horsham, Crawley, Burgess Hill, Haywards Heath, Guildford, Redhill and all parts of West Sussex, East Sussex and Surrey. Contact us today.